Hello again.
I woke up this morning on my two mattresses on the floor (my bed, my place to sleep for the last 2 years.) and I thought about the day I would have today, which is the same as yesterday, and the day before that.
As I said in my first post, I don't have a job, I realized though I'm ready for one.
I walked into the place where I worked as a volunteer(Lifeline) and I realized how much I missed it there, the people had changed and so had the shop, but I missed working, been around people and I want that back.
Another job I applied for 2 weeks ago, haven't heard anything back yet.
I have sent away for hundreds of jobs in the last 2 years, my resume isn't crash hot, I only have lifeline as experience and a cert 2 in Retail, so a lot of the time I don't even hear back.
When I do, I walk in, I must admit not alluding a lot of confidence, they take one look at me and I can see their eyes shut off, not looking at the fact that through Lifeline I do have experience, but looking at me, I or rather my blubberbody is not good enough for their companies.
I am over my panic attacks for work now, but am feeling deflated, thinking I might go to TAFE.
Friday, April 23, 2010
First Blog Ever
Hi everyone, my name is JJ, I am using a blog for the first time and I am quite nervous about it. I have briefly heard of people using blogs before but never thought I would be one of them. Putting my thoughts down on paper has always been easy for me, I have always written out my feelings in dairies or poems, since I was about 8 years old and home life was pretty bad, I found it my way of coping.
I read a brilliant book today that I just couldn't put down, it was by a lady names Anya Peters called abandoned, and it was my inspiration to start this blog, I figured if she could do it living in a car I could do it too.
I don't live in a car, I live in a 2 bedroom house with my sister and we get along well but that wasn't always the case.
No, my fear is of having a job. I am 27 and never had paid work I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when I was 21 and suffered severe panic attacks my whole life, due to authority figures, having a boss above me in a job has always giving my panic attacks a chance to appear, and appear they do.
People cannot possibly understand what it is to have panic attacks due to fear of working, it sounds crazy, I sit at home sometimes and wonder if I really am crazy, who else could possibly have a phobia of working?
It doesn't make sense to a lot of people, it doesn't even make sense to me, but if Anya can be brave enough to sit at a library computer and type away on a blog not knowing that she was going to get her miracle, I can too.
I believe in Miracles, is there one for me, too??
I read a brilliant book today that I just couldn't put down, it was by a lady names Anya Peters called abandoned, and it was my inspiration to start this blog, I figured if she could do it living in a car I could do it too.
I don't live in a car, I live in a 2 bedroom house with my sister and we get along well but that wasn't always the case.
No, my fear is of having a job. I am 27 and never had paid work I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when I was 21 and suffered severe panic attacks my whole life, due to authority figures, having a boss above me in a job has always giving my panic attacks a chance to appear, and appear they do.
People cannot possibly understand what it is to have panic attacks due to fear of working, it sounds crazy, I sit at home sometimes and wonder if I really am crazy, who else could possibly have a phobia of working?
It doesn't make sense to a lot of people, it doesn't even make sense to me, but if Anya can be brave enough to sit at a library computer and type away on a blog not knowing that she was going to get her miracle, I can too.
I believe in Miracles, is there one for me, too??
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